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Here I am 60 years old! Now what? You remember the song by Charlie Rich, Til I Can’t Take It Anymore? Although my life isn’t as bad as what Mr Rich is obviously going through from his words. There are times when I cry out to God I can’t take it anymore. Surely others have felt that way. I had so many dreams as a child. But then again I always thought life was difficult.
Not wanting to get into that at this early stage of my blog, I’ll start with today and work back.
At a very desperate time in my newly married years I went to see a wonderful lady. Will just call her Nicki for now. She probably helped save my life. She told me early on that I needed to have a life verse from the Bible. After all I was a Sunday School teacher for 5th graders. I had already been a part in leading one niece to Christ. I grew up in church. I mean every time the doors were open we were there. Some of my most amazing memories are from church and the activities we were involved in. I even delivered my first sermon in that pulpit. During the time when you didn’t lock doors. My congregation was the preachers daughter. Hell was a fascinating subject. Matthew 7:19 KJV “cast into the fire”. Even as a very young child I had a real sense of heaven and hell, Jesus and God.
So to keep Nicki allowing me to see her every week I found a verse. I searched and from the mood I was in I chose Jeremiah 29:11. “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you.” Later on as I matured in my thinking I added the verses 12-14 because I realized they were an important part of that promise. That was a verse that said to me God is going to give me a future of blessings.
I had already been thru the first phase of help me I can’t take it any more. Another story for another time. But from that time I was suffering from pure painful guilt. Was I not going to be allowed to have children because of all the horrible sin I had created in my life. But, why did he send me this amazing man to call my husband. I am on my 2nd miscarriage during this visit with Nicki when I burst into tears and said I know I can’t have children as a punishment for all the sin I had caused over the past years. Nicki just smiled that gentle, kind face and said, “oh Kandy, God isn’t like that. Where did you get that from.” And so the journey began for 13 years.
I hope you will continue to follow my story. My life has been very interesting. And I pray that by sharing some of it I can lead someone else thru it or around it without the same heartache I went thru.
May God have the glory!